A Golf Workout Whiffle

As far as I know, Ben Crane has never been one to make a lot of noise on tour – except for winning a couple tournaments while playing frustratingly slow. So I can't say if this is "out of character" for him – though it is surprising, and very funny ...



UPDATE: For a little more background on the video, click HERE.

A Secretariat Whiffle

I can't wait to see this movie:



I was not quite 10 years old in 1973 when Secretariat captivated the country's imagination. I had no idea, of course, of the historical significance I was witnessing, but how could a not-quite-10-year-old boy who loved sports and animals not be thrilled by seeing a horse win the biggest race of his life by 31 lengths? Secretariat's Triple Crown triumph that year – his amazing Belmont Stakes victory in particular – was one of the most dominating performances in sports history. He remains one of my great sports heroes.
     What could compare -- maybe a 24-year-old golfer winning the U.S. Open by 15 at Pebble Beach?
     By the way, in case you're wondering, the opening lines in the trailer posted above are derived from chapter 39 of the Book of Job, verses 19-25 (I'm just sayin'):

 Do you give the horse his strength
       or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?
 Do you make him leap like a locust,
       striking terror with his proud snorting?
 He paws fiercely, rejoicing in his strength,
       and charges into the fray.
 He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;
       he does not shy away from the sword.
 The quiver rattles against his side,
       along with the flashing spear and lance.
 In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground;
       he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds.
 At the blast of the trumpet he snorts, 'Aha!'
       He catches the scent of battle from afar,
       the shout of commanders and the battle cry.

A Gong Shot Whiffle

This is pretty cool. I don't think it's faked, but I'd wager there were many, many more misses than they show in this clip!!

A Mountain-top Whiffle

A little something to help get us through those post-major doldrums ...

Hat tip: failblog.org

A "whiffle" is a post that's light or insignificant in nature and may have nothing to do with golf.

Something Lighter

Let's take a break from this heavy stuff with a little whiffle for "all you mini-van families out there ..."

And for those who might want a little more God (and dog) in their day, check out "God and Dog" (if you're a dog lover, try not to cry).

Next post: Arnold Palmer. I promise.

A "whiffle" is a post "light or insignificant" in nature and that may not have anything to do with golf.

A Volcanic Whiffle*

Some absolutely stunning pictures of the Icelandic volcanic activity at boston.com. Just one small sample (click to enlarge):

Click here to see all 35. (Hat tip: The Corner)

UPDATE: More cool volcano photos (this time with the Northern Lights added) here.

* A "whiffle" is a post "light or insignificant" in nature and that may not have anything to do with golf.

The Show Must Go On

I'm not an "equipment guy." In fact, if it were up to me we might all still be playing with hickory shafts and gutta percha balls – maybe even featheries. So I've never had much interest in going to the Milwaukee Golf Show, which came to town this past weekend. But now that I'm a high-falutin' blogger, I figured I probably ought to go and see what all the shouting's about. I went not in search of the latest and greatest, however, but of the interesting and amusing – and perhaps a few bargains. Here are a few of the things that caught my eye ...

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! I hadn't heard the term "Sunday bag" in many years – but that's how my dad referred to a small, lightweight golf bag. The ones pictured here are designed to hold just ten clubs and, obviously, be easy to carry. (Am I the only one thinking about ninjas right now?) Always the inquisitive one, I asked the guy working the booth where the term "Sunday bag" came from. He had no idea, but I have a thought. Back in more pious and conservative times, when many people still looked at working on Sundays as a sin, it may have been hard or even impossible to find a caddy on the Sabbath, forcing golfers to carry their own clubs. Old Tom Morris himself forbade the very playing of golf on Sundays at St. Andrews, a practice which I believe continues today (with exceptions for the Open Championship). I like this theory so much I'm not even going to google it to see if I'm right. I hereby declare it to be so!

Brush strokes. You've probably seen the "Brush T" advertised, as have I. The idea here is that the design of the tee -- which features a bunch of tightly packed bristles to hold up the ball -- will reduce resistance as the club comes through the ball. Really? Really!? I can't imagine that a conventional tee, especially at driver-height, would provide any sort of resistance whatsoever. I'd like to see the boys at "Mythbusters" tackle this one. But then, I'm a guy who will snap a perfectly good tee in half if I can't find a broken one to use on a par-3 – because I don't like the thought of a entire tee anchored so deeply in the ground. We all have our little gremlins, so I guess if the Brush T helps you paint a more positive mental picture before you swing away, more power to ya. And if it doesn't help you hit it farther and straighter, you can always use it to clean your grooves, groom your mustache, or get that disgusting gunk out from around the bolts that hold your toilet to the floor.

What would Hogan say? Ben Hogan hated the very idea of putting. He once argued, "There's no similarity between golf and putting. They are two different games, one played in the air, the other on the ground." Fair enough, but that sour attitude toward golf's ground game is probably a big part of the reason he wasn't very good at it, especially later in his career. And it makes one wonder what he would have thought of "The Big Cup." At first I didn't give this product much of a look, assuming it was a putting aid of some sort. But it's actually a bit more intriguing than that, something meant to change the way the game is played – at least for some people. The Big Cup, which is designed to be inserted inside a regulation golf hole, is intended to essentially double the size of the hole. It's not meant for serious play, but for recreational golfers looking to make the game a little easier and faster. As a self-proclaimed purist, I hereby renounce such nonsense in the strongest possible terms! But I must confess, I've wondered to myself how different the game would be if the hole were larger. Maybe (maybe) Hogan would approve – but that doesn't make it right!

A Winter Olympiad Whiffle

In honor of the Olympic Winter Games, which open this weekend – as well as the 30th anniversary of the U.S. Hockey team's "Miracle on Ice" – I'd like to take the opportoonie to present my favorite YouTube video of all time – because I ... CAN! I hope you enjoy it, every one-ya.

 

And while we're on the subject, here are some excerpts from major "pre-game speeches" from the world of golf I wish had been captured on video:

"Remember, no pressure! Nobody expects you to do very well in your first professional major, so just go out there and try not to embarrass yourself."

     -- Fluff Cowan, to Tiger Woods, 1997 Masters

"Hit 'em hard! Hit 'em straight! Pound it up the middle, 300 yards and a cloud of dust! And don't worry about the fans. Sure, we're right in Arnie's backyard here at Oakmont, but they won't give you any trouble. It's not like we're in Michigan!"

     -- Woody Hayes (a close friend of Jack's dad), to Jack Nicklaus, 1962 U.S. Open 

"Relax, Harry, he's hardly more than a boy. An American. And I've got crumbs in my mustache older than that bloody caddy of his! Have another drink with me. We can beat that kid in our sleep if we have to."

     -- Ted Ray, to Harry Vardon, 1913 U.S. Open  

"... play skillfully, and shout for joy."

     -- The Lord, to Zach Johnson (via Psalm 33:3), 2007 Masters 

"I say, old boy, I noticed on the practice tee ... I could have sworn on your backswing you were breathing out instead of in ... or perhaps vice-versa? No worries! I'm sure you've got it sorted out. See you on the first tee!"

     -- Nick Faldo, to Greg Norman, 1996 Masters 

"Noo min', if ye win th' belt a body mair time it's yoors tae keep. An' it willnae be easy tae convince th' lads tae part wi' mony coins fur a new a body ... we micht hae tae use 'at auld bucky jug ay yer maw's insteid. Sae tak' it easy oan yer auld dad it thaur the-day, aye laddie? Aye? Laddie?" *

     -- Old Tom Morris, to Young Tom Morris, 1870 Open Championship 

"I triple-dog dare you to hit driver."

     -- Craig Parry, to Jean Van de Velde (on the 18th tee, 4th round), 1999 Open Championship

This ... is YOUR time! Share your ideas on pre-game speeches (in any sport) you'd like to have heard by submitting a comment.

* "Now remember, if you win the belt one more time it's yours to keep. And it won't be easy to convince the lads to part with many coins for a new one ... we might have to use that old wine jug of your mother's instead. So take it easy on your old dad out there today, OK son? OK? Son?"

A Late Night Whiffle (Updated)

So NBC has made a glorious mess of the whole Conan O'Leno thing, agreeing to buy out the gangly redhead and his staff for a cool $45 million. No wonder he's smiling! Let's just hope they don't take it out of the golf budget. The last thing we need is one more thing for Johnny Miller to go off on. But now that the "Tonight Show: Conan O'Brien Edition" has aired its last episode, it occurs to the Whiffler that the time is right for the Golf Channel to enter the late-night fray. I mean, why not – what have they got to lose, a few telephone sales of the Zolex Hammer Driver? The only question is, who should fill the hosting chair? (Photo: AP file, from NBC)
     To help push Golf Channel executives in the direction of launching a ground-breaking, golfer-hosted late-night show, Whiffling Straits has graciously put together this thorough talent analysis. Complete with pros, cons, suggested sidekicks, and possible signature bits or running gags, along with who we'd like to see as the first guest for each subject, it sizes up 10 possible player-hosts who might best give the returning Leno a run for his money in the 11:35 (10:35 Central) time slot.
     As always, please feel free to weigh in with your own analysis and suggestions via the comments section.

Rickie Fowler
Pros: Young, good-looking, charismatic; attractive to young female audience.
Cons: Young, good-looking, charismatic; threatening to young male audience.
Signature Bit: Makes "big entrance" into studio each night by jumping a dirt bike over Gary McCord.
Sidekick: Andy Richter (we hear he's available!).
First Guest: Rory McIlroy

Sergio Garcia
Pros: Suave, debonair, plays a James Bond-type version of himself in beer commercials.
Cons: Occasionally surly; still bumming about losing the opportunity to play father-son tournaments with Greg Norman.
Running Gag: Repeatedly loses to Padraig Harrington at rock-paper-scissors.
Sidekick: Holographic image of the 19-year-old Sergio, the one with all the charm and potential.
First Guest: Sean Connery
(Photo: Alan Light, via Wikimedia Commons)

Lee Trevino
Pros: Talkative, gregarious, quick-witted, appeals to growing U.S. Hispanic market.
Cons: Something of a lightning rod.
Signature Bit: Breaks tension with nervous guests by taunting them with rubber reptiles.
Sidekick: None; he got here by himself and got-dangit if he's going to share the spotlight now.
First Guest: Hootie Johnson

Steve Stricker
(Disqualified from consideration due to extreme bias of evaluation committee.)

Tom Watson
Pros: Classy, well-spoken, adored by international audience, the Scots in particular.
Cons: Frustrating tendency for show to get better and better and better each night only to leave the audience heartbroken at week's end.
Signature Bit: Balances five Claret Jugs on his forehead while missing four-foot putts.
Sidekick: None; leaves sidekick chair empty in memory of beloved caddy Bruce Edwards.
First Guest: Ghost of Harry Vardon

Walter Hagen
Pros: Charming, flamboyant, winner of 11 major championships; fought to make "professional golfer" a respected occupation.
Cons: Deceased
Signature Bit: Enters studio by stepping out of a limo, drink in hand, wearing a rumpled red Nike golf shirt.
Sidekick: Dean Martin
First Guest: Ben Hogan (hey, as long as we're time-traveling ...)
(Photo: Wikimedia Commons)

A Windy Winter Whiffle*

For those of you waiting out a long winter's golfing hiatus, here's a reason not to feel any more sorry for yourself than you have to. As it turns out, the wind chill factor blows (kinda like this blog). Here's the gist of it: the science behind the measurement is flawed and outdated; it doesn't mean some of the things people often think it means; and it's often used simply to sensationalize a cold spell and make it seem worse than it really is. Writes Daniel Engber, a senior editor at the online Slate magazine: