The Show Must Go On

I'm not an "equipment guy." In fact, if it were up to me we might all still be playing with hickory shafts and gutta percha balls – maybe even featheries. So I've never had much interest in going to the Milwaukee Golf Show, which came to town this past weekend. But now that I'm a high-falutin' blogger, I figured I probably ought to go and see what all the shouting's about. I went not in search of the latest and greatest, however, but of the interesting and amusing – and perhaps a few bargains. Here are a few of the things that caught my eye ...

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! I hadn't heard the term "Sunday bag" in many years – but that's how my dad referred to a small, lightweight golf bag. The ones pictured here are designed to hold just ten clubs and, obviously, be easy to carry. (Am I the only one thinking about ninjas right now?) Always the inquisitive one, I asked the guy working the booth where the term "Sunday bag" came from. He had no idea, but I have a thought. Back in more pious and conservative times, when many people still looked at working on Sundays as a sin, it may have been hard or even impossible to find a caddy on the Sabbath, forcing golfers to carry their own clubs. Old Tom Morris himself forbade the very playing of golf on Sundays at St. Andrews, a practice which I believe continues today (with exceptions for the Open Championship). I like this theory so much I'm not even going to google it to see if I'm right. I hereby declare it to be so!

Brush strokes. You've probably seen the "Brush T" advertised, as have I. The idea here is that the design of the tee -- which features a bunch of tightly packed bristles to hold up the ball -- will reduce resistance as the club comes through the ball. Really? Really!? I can't imagine that a conventional tee, especially at driver-height, would provide any sort of resistance whatsoever. I'd like to see the boys at "Mythbusters" tackle this one. But then, I'm a guy who will snap a perfectly good tee in half if I can't find a broken one to use on a par-3 – because I don't like the thought of a entire tee anchored so deeply in the ground. We all have our little gremlins, so I guess if the Brush T helps you paint a more positive mental picture before you swing away, more power to ya. And if it doesn't help you hit it farther and straighter, you can always use it to clean your grooves, groom your mustache, or get that disgusting gunk out from around the bolts that hold your toilet to the floor.

What would Hogan say? Ben Hogan hated the very idea of putting. He once argued, "There's no similarity between golf and putting. They are two different games, one played in the air, the other on the ground." Fair enough, but that sour attitude toward golf's ground game is probably a big part of the reason he wasn't very good at it, especially later in his career. And it makes one wonder what he would have thought of "The Big Cup." At first I didn't give this product much of a look, assuming it was a putting aid of some sort. But it's actually a bit more intriguing than that, something meant to change the way the game is played – at least for some people. The Big Cup, which is designed to be inserted inside a regulation golf hole, is intended to essentially double the size of the hole. It's not meant for serious play, but for recreational golfers looking to make the game a little easier and faster. As a self-proclaimed purist, I hereby renounce such nonsense in the strongest possible terms! But I must confess, I've wondered to myself how different the game would be if the hole were larger. Maybe (maybe) Hogan would approve – but that doesn't make it right!

Scoping things out. Back when I was a lad, rangefinders were simple optical devices with a little sliding scale in the viewer. You estimated the distance – very roughly – by lining up the flag stick between two lines. They were useless, stupid, and illegal. Today, electronic rangefinders are precise and accurate, and coming down in price. Tour pros routinely use them in practice rounds and the rules against them have loosened up, citing speed of play as a mitigating factor. There was a time, not all that long ago, when golfers (even pros) pretty much eye-balled all their yardages. Now, players the world over (except in Scotland) are routinely slowed down by some yahoo pacing off the yardage he needs to carry the cart path should he manage to get this next shot through that little gap in the trees he just drove into. Though it goes against my purist tendencies, I'm ready to say let's allow unlimited use of these and other yardage-finding devices. If we're going to be figuring every shot to the nearest half-yard anyway, we may as well do it quickly and efficiently.

As the ankle turns. The PGA Championship returns to Whistling Straits in 2010. (Yay!) And from the looks of things, Y.E. Yang is pretty excited about it. Yang's victory over Tiger in last year's PGA has my vote for the biggest moment of 2010, and his bag-hoisting celebration was my favorite highlight. Will Tiger show up for the rematch? The smart money's on "yes," but I think the course will be the star regardless. In 2004, one of the problems they had is that the terrain is so rugged, spectators were spraining ankles at an alarming rate. Maybe for 2010 they'll offer an official Whistling Straits PGA Championship Ace Bandage – for just $24.95 plus tax.

Protecting his Turf. Not much traffic at the "Turf 4 Players" booth. But I think if you're not building a golf academy or a lavish mansion with a private practice facility you're probably not in the market for this high-end artificial turf. It is fairly intriguing, however, to see all the different types of turf available, designed to simulate different types of grasses and conditions. Indoor practice has come a long way, baby. Maybe if the guy working the booth didn't take on the posture and disposition of a Buckingham Palace guard he might be able to draw more attention. After I took this picture, a little kid came up and danced around in front of him making faces, trying to get him to laugh or react in some way. Nothin'.

SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! If you're not one who cares about having the very latest and greatest in golf technology, the golf show is a great place to find bargains on closeout models. I myself couldn't resist picking up a Ben Hogan 5-wood for $24.99. As a result of my never-ending quest to find decent clubs at low, low prices, I now have both Jack Nicklaus and Ben Hogan model 5-woods, and I can't wait to pit them against one another in a winner-take-all duel at the driving range. No putting will be involved, so my money's on Hogan.

As seen on TV! I couldn't help but wonder ... If one Sham-Wow!® lasts up to 10 years, why would anyone need eight? Is that how many I would need to make a Sham-Wow!® Snuggie®? How much extra would I have to pay for a Real-Wow!™? If I call in the next 20 minutes will you double my order? How many sham-sheep!™ must be sheared to make one Sham-Wow!®? In theory, how many Sham-Wow!® brand cleaning cloths would it take to pick up John Daly (the newer, lighter version)? And I know they make good cars and tasty schnitzel, but are the Germans also known for their relentless pursuit of the perfect all-purpose cleaning cloth? (Don't be fooled by those cheap, American-made knock-offs!) These are just a few of the questions that will have to remain unanswered until 2011.