A Winter Olympiad Whiffle

In honor of the Olympic Winter Games, which open this weekend – as well as the 30th anniversary of the U.S. Hockey team's "Miracle on Ice" – I'd like to take the opportoonie to present my favorite YouTube video of all time – because I ... CAN! I hope you enjoy it, every one-ya.

 

And while we're on the subject, here are some excerpts from major "pre-game speeches" from the world of golf I wish had been captured on video:

"Remember, no pressure! Nobody expects you to do very well in your first professional major, so just go out there and try not to embarrass yourself."

     -- Fluff Cowan, to Tiger Woods, 1997 Masters

"Hit 'em hard! Hit 'em straight! Pound it up the middle, 300 yards and a cloud of dust! And don't worry about the fans. Sure, we're right in Arnie's backyard here at Oakmont, but they won't give you any trouble. It's not like we're in Michigan!"

     -- Woody Hayes (a close friend of Jack's dad), to Jack Nicklaus, 1962 U.S. Open 

"Relax, Harry, he's hardly more than a boy. An American. And I've got crumbs in my mustache older than that bloody caddy of his! Have another drink with me. We can beat that kid in our sleep if we have to."

     -- Ted Ray, to Harry Vardon, 1913 U.S. Open  

"... play skillfully, and shout for joy."

     -- The Lord, to Zach Johnson (via Psalm 33:3), 2007 Masters 

"I say, old boy, I noticed on the practice tee ... I could have sworn on your backswing you were breathing out instead of in ... or perhaps vice-versa? No worries! I'm sure you've got it sorted out. See you on the first tee!"

     -- Nick Faldo, to Greg Norman, 1996 Masters 

"Noo min', if ye win th' belt a body mair time it's yoors tae keep. An' it willnae be easy tae convince th' lads tae part wi' mony coins fur a new a body ... we micht hae tae use 'at auld bucky jug ay yer maw's insteid. Sae tak' it easy oan yer auld dad it thaur the-day, aye laddie? Aye? Laddie?" *

     -- Old Tom Morris, to Young Tom Morris, 1870 Open Championship 

"I triple-dog dare you to hit driver."

     -- Craig Parry, to Jean Van de Velde (on the 18th tee, 4th round), 1999 Open Championship

This ... is YOUR time! Share your ideas on pre-game speeches (in any sport) you'd like to have heard by submitting a comment.

* "Now remember, if you win the belt one more time it's yours to keep. And it won't be easy to convince the lads to part with many coins for a new one ... we might have to use that old wine jug of your mother's instead. So take it easy on your old dad out there today, OK son? OK? Son?"